


That's a demon, Jaskier

by trahelle



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Crack, Don't copy to another site, Inspired by Fanart, No beta - I die like those who've wronged Greg, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24060691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trahelle/pseuds/trahelle
Summary: Geralt gives Jaskier money to buy a horse. He comes back with Greg instead.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 44
Kudos: 455





	That's a demon, Jaskier

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by ladycibia's adorable art over on tumblr - check it out and show ladycibia some love!   
> https://ladycibia.tumblr.com/post/617397305330565120/who-needs-roach-anyway

“What in the name of the Convergence is that?” Geralt asks, slack-jawed as he watches Jaskier sidle up to him with an abomination in tow. 

“I sent you off to purchase a  _ horse _ , Jaskier, and you come back with — with  _ that _ ?”

“That’s very rude, Geralt,” Jaskier says, glaring at him and covering the sides of the creature’s head where ears  _ might _ be if the creature had them, which it doesn’t. By the by, Jaskier’s accidentally touching one of its — sweet Melitele — the hooved beast has thirteen eyes from what Geralt can see. And six arms. And a top hat. 

It  _ can _ boast having only four legs, though. 

“Greg here—“ Jaskier starts, taking his hands off the creature’s head again.

Geralt can’t help cutting him off, “It’s named… Greg?”

“I just said that, Geralt,” Jaskier huffs. “Really, you’re being quite contrary at the moment,” Jaskier punctuates the statement by giving the thing a scratch beneath the chin (if it can even be called that) and not seeming to realize the puff of smoke the creature snorted out his… something. 

“As I was saying before you interrupted.” He glares at Geralt again, but his face morphs back into a smile a moment later. “Greg here is a friend. Not to mention, his previous owner actually paid  _ me _ to take him! Can you believe it?! The fool!”

“If that’s the case, then where’s the coin I gave you for the  _ horse _ ?” Geralt deadpans, more curious of where this is going and the spark of intelligence behind the creature’s many, many eyes.

“I spent it,” Jaskier says, without remorse.

Alright, now he’s less curious and more astounded by the sheer gale of chaos that Jaskier is on a good day. “On what?!” 

“Greg’s food, of course.” Somehow Jaskier manages to say it without any indication he understands how  _ bizarre _ that is. 

“What could have cost so much yet you’re not carrying anything? You didn’t forget a purchase again, did you?” 

“Of course not! Greg reminded me,” He pats his satchel gingerly. “There’s a rare thorn found in Brokilon forest, which can kill those pricked by it, so it’s quite expensive to purchase, let me tell you!” 

Geralt ignores the mention of ‘Greg’ reminding Jaskier and asks instead, “A thorn?”

“Are you growing hard of hearing in your advanced age, Geralt? I just said that!” Jaskier is glaring again.

“Let me get this straight. I gave you money.”

“— Yes.”

“To purchase a horse.”

Jaskier nods, like he knows this all already and thinks Geralt very stupid.

“And you went out, found a farmer, and purchased thi— I mean, Greg.” Geralt pauses to take a steadying breath. He doesn’t feel better after. “But you didn’t actually have to pay, instead, the farmer paid  _ you _ ?”

“Almost right, dear Witcher,” Jaskier says, a happy nod to his head, “But the farmer found me.” 

“Found  _ you _ ? How did he know you were meant to purchase a horse today?”

“Greg told him.”

“Uhuh, and how did you know what to purchase for Greg’s supper?”

“Greg told me that one.”

“Okay, and even with all the coin I gave you and the pay you received for taking Greg—“

“— Befriending.”

“Alright, befriending Greg, you don’t have any money left?”

“Turns out, the combined total of the coin was the exact amount I needed!”

“Has Greg told you  _ what _ he is?”

Jaskier hoists himself effortlessly onto Greg’s back and gathers the reins. “Of course he did, darling Witcher.” Jaskier says as he turns towards the main road out of this cursed town. He looks back over his shoulder at Geralt. “He’s a large aberration and he’s chaotic good.” Geralt catches a wicked grin on Jaskier’s inhumanly pretty face as he turns back around and Greg starts off, faster than seems plausible, near flying out of town. 

Geralt turns back to Roach. She looks at him, completely unfazed. “I guess that’s Greg.” She snorts at him and he climbs into her saddle to catch up to his companion and his large aberration. 

  
  



End file.
